October 8, 2014

right now

Right now, I am...

~ experiencing some changes here, at home. Nate is working for a friend, at his farm, which is conveniently where the oven that he's building is located. He pretty much lives there. He's putting all he has into getting this oven finished and he's gone all day, until late. This has been great, and he's making amazing progress, but it has required me to find some balance as I navigate the "all mama, all the time" dynamic. When the oven and bakery are finished, we'll have a whole new normal to adjust to.

~ loving the happiness on Zander's face when Nate walks through the door at the end of the day, if he's still awake. Even though it's usually pretty late and I'm in the process of trying to get him to sleep and it all goes south because "DADDY'S HOME!!"

~ missing the camera here. Nate is doing an amazing job documenting the growth of the oven. It's been so great for him. Kind of like a journal of all the ups and downs he's going through as he figures all of this out. It just means I don't have a way to capture some of the Zander moments. A second camera may be necessary.

~ wishing and hoping that we have a home that's ours someday. We are beyond grateful to have this rental arrangement, but we've lived on someone else's land for 7 years. No regrets here, of course, and I know the right place will come in time. It's just that sometimes a girl wants to be able to let the weeds go in her yard, or not have to worry about our stuff being in the way.

~ completely blown away by the sudden explosion of emotional intelligence I'm seeing in my son. And at the same time, finding myself wondering when the boy will learn to listen to his body and sleep when he needs it. (Why does sleep always have to be so hard?!)

~ loving this kid, regardless of my sleep deprivation. (Do I look tired?)

~ still working in the garden. The weather is beautiful and I'm somehow finding it easier to tackle the once-overwhelming weeds and plants that are finished. I'm still planting seeds, trying to see how much more I can grow while keeping things covered when the cold temps roll in.

~ loving moments like this, because they're few and far between these days.

~ beyond grateful for the people in our lives who are so supportive and encouraging of our bakery project. Especially the friend and mentor Nate can call anytime and say "HELP! I don't know what the f%$k I'm doing!" and who encourages him to keep going when things get hard. (Because they do get hard.)

~ trying to stretch our last dollars while making the overwhelming list of things that still need to be repaired and completed in the bakery.

~ trying to start a small business of my own selling my handmade soap and jewelry to help stretch those dollars a bit further.

~ trying to come up with a name for the bakery! Suggestions, anyone??

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